Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
