I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
