explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
