So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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