you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am naked and annoyed.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
