I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
