I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
