Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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