I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
