eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize