Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
