We're facebook friends in real life
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
