I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
