dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
