Need sex. Gaining weight.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
