margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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