I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
