I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
