He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
