Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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