what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
vagina is talking i cant
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
