How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize