I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
