theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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