why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
