I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
