Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
