M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you will always have a special place in my vag
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
