just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
