I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
