We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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