He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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