John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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