If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
