We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
