I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My penis needs a shock collar
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
