I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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