I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
