you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He shit in the fireplace
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
