Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
