She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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