Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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