Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
