You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
