oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
