sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
