This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
