Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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