he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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