I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
