I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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