My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
