he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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