First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
