The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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