he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
