I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
