I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
