Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
