just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize