So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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