Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
