Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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