this boner is exhausting
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
