What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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