I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
